Golden Sun: A Black Sun Dawns
by REDMASTEROFPOKEMON
Summary: Set nine years after the ending of Golden Sun: Dark Dawn, Isaac struggles to pick up the pieces of the broken life that he has been left with. How will the aging Venus Adept survive the troubling events of this changing world?
1. Chapter 1

It was a dull, rainy day in Golden Sun World, as usual. Our "hero", Isaac stroked his neckbeard, as he looked out of the window, staring upon the desolate, abandoned vistas which stretched out before him.

_"Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 9 years, since my last adventure", _he thought to himself. _"Was it really so bad that Nintendo left us to die here? Well, I better go collect the food stamps."_

As he went outside to get in his broken down, thirty five year old Robin Reliant, a very black man with a gun for an arm stood in his way. It was Barret from Final Fantasy!

"Yo, whiteboy, is 'dis f#!&n pile of s &! actually da' car you ridin' round in?"

"Y-Yes it is", Isaac replied meekly.

Not being in a game for almost nine years had dulled his instincts, and he wasn't confident he could take Barret, should it come to a fight.

"Hahaha, 'das f ~^ng sad, my n&%$!" Barret laughed. "Yo, let me show you all da' cash me and the boys made from releasing Final Fantasy 7 again on yo' gay ass Nintendo Switch!"

Barret got into a Lamborghini, and sped past Isaac's shitty Robin Reliant, driving straight through a muddly puddle, which soaked the Venus Adept. The sheer speed of the Lambo caused the wing-mirror of Isaac's car to drop off.

Sighing, Isaac got in the Robin, and began driving down towards the job centre at its top speed, 35 mph, to pick up his food stamps. "This is only temporary", he told himself. "Once I get my golden ticket to Smash, they'll announce Golden Sun 4, and I'll be back to living the good life again. Quadruple digit sales, baby!"

Halfway to the job centre, Isaac had to stop, as a fight was breaking out in the middle of the road. Bayonetta and Joker were beating up Geno and Bandana Dee, and all the traffic had stopped, as a result.

"We don't take kindly to Spirits around here!" Joker laughed, as he punched Geno to the floor.

"Hahaha, you look like the boys I used to reject back in high school" Bayonetta joined in, grinding her heel into the bootleg Mega Man's face.

Realising what was going on, Isaac began slowly reversing away, knowing what his fate would be, if the bullies spotted him.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Assist Trophy!" jeered a voice from behind him. It was Incineroar!

Incineroar dragged Isaac out of his car, and threw him across the street towards the other two losers, and closed in to surround them. Geno and Bandana Dee had already given up, but Isaac was determined to fight his way out of the situation.

"Come on guys, if we work together, we might stand a chance against them!" he insisted. "Dee, if you take that shitty bandana off, you could actually pass as an iconic character. There's a hero deep inside you!"

"Oh damn, you're right!" Dee realised, taking off his bandana.

"Yo, lookin' good, Dee!" Incineroar smiled. "You wanna join our side now, and beat up these two dorks?"

"Haha, yeah, sure!" Waddle Dee laughed, setting his shitty bandana on fire, so he'd never be mistaken for that autism magnet again.

"Well, fuck..." Isaac sighed. "Geno, looks like it's just you and me... You got any plans?"

"If I remember rightly, your game is just a complete rip-off of Final Fantasy 5, isn't it?" Geno asked.

"Yeah, that's right", nodded Isaac.

"Alright then, maybe you have some kind of teleport spell you could use to get us out of here?"

"Good idea!"

Quickly thinking, Isaac used a teleport spell to warp him and Geno back to his house. However, what he would return to would scar him deeply, and change his life forever, going forwards...


	2. Chapter 2

Narrowly escaping from Joker and his gang of successful video game characters, Isaac and Geno were warped back to Isaac's council house. They landed on the sofa, which broke, even from the impact of their scrawny, soy-filled bodies. A pair of rats scurried out from inside the rotten piece of furniture.

"Haha, isn't that Isuuck and Gayno?" laughed one of the rats, pointing at the pair of losers.

"Oh shit, yeah, it is!" the other realised. "Hey, you fucking fags, what's it like being in Smash Ult... oh wait, hahaha!"

"S-Shut up!" Isaac groaned. "And get out of my house!"

Isaac drew the Gaia Sword, and it appeared to scare the rats, though in reality, they only ran away, because they didn't want to look at the horribly designed weapon. Satisfied with his victory, Isaac went into the kitchen, in order to grab a celebratory Soylent from the fridge. He grabbed a second bottle for Geno, and went back into the living room.

"You like Soylent?" he asked his new friend, before attempting to open his own bottle. "Oww! Fuck!"

He looked down at the palm of his hand, which was now streaming with blood. The slightly bumpy circumference of the Soylent bottle had sliced through his frail skin like a razor, as he attempted to twist it off.

"Soylent? I love it!" Geno cheered, taking out a weird bottle opener. "Here, use this. It stops those nasty bottles from cutting your skin. I never leave home without it!"

"Wow, thanks", said Isaac, as he took the bottle opener, locked it around the lid of the Soylent bottle, and twisted it off.

The two friends began drinking their shared favourite drink, when suddenly Isaac heard voices from upstairs. One was the voice of a woman moaning, while the other was a very deep male voice, who was yelling "yo, you go gurl, suck 'dat d#~& nice and fine!" among other lewd commands.

"...What the hell is going on up there?!" Isaac gasped. "Are we being robbed?"

"No, I think that's what sex sounds like", Geno replied.

"Oh yeah, that is what sex sounds like..." Isaac lied, remembering that the last time he'd had sex, 26 years ago, his wife, Jenna was just looking at him boredly, and saying things like "fucking hell, will you just cum already, and get this over with?"

The two of them ran upstairs to investigate, and to their horror, the sight they were met with was Jenna deepthroating Barret, and on top of Isaac's bed, with his Nintendo bedsheets on it no less!

"Yo, 'dis fuckin even more balla' 'den eatin' watermelon an' chicken at 'da same time!" Barret applauded, as he got his dick sucked. "How's it feel to finally be gettin' a successful video game character's cock inside you, baby girl?! Oh yeah, swallow my 10 million copy selling cum!"

Jenna sucked with more and more enthusiasm, until she happened to see Isaac and Geno, who were just staring at them in horror. It wasn't the fact that she had been caught that made her stop though. Seeing Isaac with his horrible neckbeard, his shitty fedora and his pathetic soy face was just such a turn-off, it completely killed the moment.

"Oh s&'!, 'dat gaya#& whiteboy back from pickin' up da' welfare already?" Barret laughed, as he turned around to see what happened. "You, Icuuck, why don't you just go sleep outside in that f#*^ing cardboard pile of s%$£ you got outside? Let yo' woman enjoy a real man's company!"

Isaac didn't know what to say. Within a matter of minutes, his whole world had been shattered around him. His precious Robin Reliant, abandoned and taken by bullies. His beloved wife an adulterer. And now, he was about to be kicked out of his own house, which he had legally bought with the money saved up from his autism checks. Now enough was enough. He was tired of running. Isaac was going to make a stand.

"That's it, Barret, I've had enough! I'm sick of people constantly shitting on me and my series! We're not that bad, you know?! Why don't you go pick on someone who deserves it, like fucking Fire Emblem! They sold even less than we did, until that stupid Awakening game came out! It should have been me in Melee, not that fucking ladyboy faggot, Marth, and that stupid fucking meme, Roy! Dieeeee!"

Drawing his Gaia Sword, he charged at Barret. Barret raised his gun arm to return fire on his assailant, however it was not necessary. In the process of doing so, he had accidentally swung his 20 inch cock at Isaac, and knocked him out cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Isaac let out a pained groan, as his eyelids weakly fluttered open. He gazed up at a dimming sun, and realised he had no idea where he was. The ground he was lying on was rough, and there was something sharp digging into his side. Pulling it out, and lifting it up to his eyes, he saw it was his Gaia Sword, or at least he thought. On closer inspection, it was just a broken toilet, its sides stained with shit and puke. They really didn't look so different, so it was an easy mistake to make. Getting up, Isaac found that he was in a junkyard.

"Oh, you're finally up", a voice called out.

It was Geno.

"Why are we here?"

"After you got knocked out by Barret, things got bad. Jenna divorced you, and Barret stuffed you in a box of unsold copies of Golden Sun: Dark Dawn. That's how you ended up here."

"How come you're here, then?"

"The garbage men saw me, and one of them was like 'isn't that the Mii Costume that was so shit, they didn't even bring it back in Smash Ultimate?' and after his partner told him I was, they threw me out here too. It's over, Isaac. We've lost everything. Our relevance, our fanbases, our series, and now, even our homes."

Sighing, Isaac picked up the box of Dark Dawn copies he'd been thrown away with, and began making his way out of the junkyard. He was sure that somewhere would take them, as fodder for their bargain bin, and that if he sold them all, he could maybe make enough money to feed his Soylent addiction for another week or so. Geno followed behind him, having nowhere else to go, and the two of them soon found the gate, which led back to the outside world. Just as Isaac was about to pass through the gate, he heard a scream behind him. Something had grabbed Geno! A golem made from discarded Nintendo hardware had crept up behind them, and grabbed the bootleg wooden Mega Man by the shoulder, with its Power Glove hand. Isaac was frozen in fear, as the golem met his gaze with its cold, red Virtual Boy eyes.

"YOU CANNOT LEAVE THIS PLACE!" the golem told them, speaking through a Wii Speak microphone. "YOU BELONG HERE... IN THE PAST, WHERE YOU CAN NO LONGER SULLY NINTENDO'S IMAGE! ROT WITH ME, IN THIS LAND OF THE FORGOTTEN... YOUR FINAL RESTING PLACE!"

"No... Fuck this!" Isaac refused. "Being pushed around by these upstart new JRPG characters, and even my wife's boyfriend is one thing... but I'm not letting a fucking Virtual Boy talk shit to me."

"THE VIRTUAL BOY FEATURES A PIECE OF SOFTWARE NAMED JACK BROS. SO EVEN I, A GOLEM WITH A VIRTUAL BOY FOR A HEAD CAN SAY I AM PART OF A MORE SUCCESSFUL JRPG SERIES THAN YOU, ISSUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Enraged, Isaac swung his Gaia Sword at the golem's legs. However the Wii U gamepads that its legs were built from proved sturdier than the rejected MMO drop, and it simply shattered to pieces against it.

"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOUR CHANCES OF DEFEATING ME ARE THE SAME AS THE NUMBER OF COPIES OF DARK DAWN WHICH WERE SOLD. ZERO."

"Don't give up, Isaac, I've figured out his weakness!" Geno called down to Isaac.

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"His legs are made out of Wii U gamepads. Those have a battery life of about 3 minutes. Just run away and he'll probably run out of batteries before he can catch you."

"Good idea, Geno!"

"NOT SO FAST!" the golem warned them, as his chest began opening up, revealing that his interior was made up of launch-day Switches. "NINTENDO DEVICES ARE KNOWN FOR TWO THINGS: NONEXISTENT BATTERY LIFE, AND OVERHEATING UNTIL THEY MELT! IF YOU RUN AWAY, I WILL PLACE GENO INSIDE THIS VAULT OF LAUNCH SWITCHES AND HE WILL MELT AWAY TO NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Damn it, I have no choice but to fight..." Isaac realised. "Maybe... maybe I can rip off a spell from Final Fantasy 5 again."

"OH NO... NOT MAGIC FROM AN ACTUAL COMPETENT GAME SERIES!"

"That's right, now face the wrath of Flare... err, I mean Grand Gaia!"

Isaac fired his blast at the golem, which was enough to shatter it to pieces, its Power Glove releasing its grip on Geno, and allowing him to drop down safely to the ground.

"Thanks for saving me there", Geno grinned, as he walked over to the Virtual Boy which was the golem's head. "Here, let's take this, instead of those Dark Dawn copies. I'm sure there are way more people who would want to buy this, than those!"

"Good idea!" Isaac agreed. "Come on, let's go buy some Soylent!"


	4. Chapter 4

Isaac walked out of the junkyard triumphantly, holding aloft the Virtual Boy head of his vanquished foe, like a hard-won trophy.

"It feels good to be winning again", he said with a proud smile. "Reminds me of the glory days, when the first Golden Sun game came out, and outsold almost every single game on the Atari Jaguar!"

"Yeah!" Geno added. "It reminds me of that undefeated streak, where my game went strong as the most successful Mario RPG, from 1996, all the way to 2001!"

However, little did they know that the Virtual Boy they were carrying was very much alive, and was currently transmitting a message to a far more dangerous adversary, as they were celebrating.

A Chinese high-schooler reached into his pocket, taking out a rumbling phone. He was waiting for his karate class to begin, but the teacher had crashed his car on the way in, and so class was held up. This suited the man fine, though. By day, he was Ching Chong, an average Chinese high-schooler. But by night, he was the legendary Phantom Thief, Joker, leader of the Successful Video Game Characters, a group of characters from actual relevant series, who had made it into Smash Bros. They protected the series from rejects and has-beens like Isaac and Geno, beating on them and their whiny fans time and time again, in order to prevent their screeching from being heard by Sakurai, and mistaken for actual demand.

Joker smirked as he opened his phone, revealing a new message from 'VB'. It read "Hey Joker, I found those two faggots, Gayno and Ballsaac. Sending you their location so you can kick their asses later or something". Later that day, the Successful Video Game Characters would call a meeting in their solid gold mansion. They had quite a turnout. Joker, Bayonetta, Cloud, Incineroar, Waddle Dee, and now their newest recruits, the Dragon Quest Heroes.

"Glad you made it!" Joker smiled, as he patted Erdrick, one of the Dragon Quest Heroes on the back. "I heard your game already sold more copies today than Golden Sun's lifetime sales, is that true?"

"Damn right it is! Incineroar was just telling me about how one copy of Dragon Quest XI costs more to buy than a hundred copies of Golden Sun: Dark Dawn!"

"I heard there's actually this GameStop in San Francisco, which pays money to customers, for them to take copies of Golden Sun off their hands", Waddle Dee told them. "Apparently their bargain bin has so many Golden Sun games in it now, there's no room for anything else, so they tried to throw them away, but the garbage men wouldn't even take the copies away, when they left them out on the doorstep! Something about how 'even the dump has some standards, you know'."

They all shared a hearty laugh at this.

"Anyway, speaking of Golden Sun, I have a job for you, Waddle Dee", Joker followed up. "Until recently, you were a huge faggot, so I need you to prove yourself a worthy addition to the Successful Video Game Characters. Virtual Boy has given me information on where Isaac and Geno currently are. I need you to ride over there, kick their asses, then hang them from a flagpole by their underwear."

"Haha, ok, but I have a request..."

A few hours later, Isaac and Geno had finally found their way to the edge of a city. They were thirsty from all the walking, and just wanted to unwind with a cool, refreshing bottle of Soylent, maybe . However, before they could rest, they were greeted by the sound of an engine struggling to rev, as something drove towards them from inside the city.

"I'd recognise that sound anywhere!" Isaac exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's right, nerd, it's your Robin Reliant!" Waddle Dee laughed, as he rode towards them. "I'm going to run you two virgins over with your own car, hahahahaha!"

"I'm not a virgin!" Isaac protested. "I'll have you know I had sex just a mere twenty years ago!

"Oh, you mean so Jenna could pretend it was actually you who got her pregnant, so you wouldn't leave her, and would keep paying for HER son?!"

"What are you talking about, Matthew is clearly my son, we look exactly the fucking same!"

"That's just because Golden Sun: The Lacerated Anus sold so badly, they didn't have enough of a budget to pay the blind, retarded infant that drew the rest of the Dork Downs characters to make a new design for him, so they just reused yours!"

"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about! The character designer for Dark Dawn wasn't an infant!"

"Whatever, I'm going to kick you two nerds' asses now!"

"Get ready, Isaac..." Geno warned. "This will be our toughest battle yet..."


	5. Chapter 5

Laughing like a maniac, Waddle Dee began barreling towards Isaac and Geno in the stolen Robin, intending to run them over with its top speed of 60 MPH. The duo both dived to the side, in opposite directions, Isaac on the right and Geno on the left. Waddle Dee took a sharp right turn to try and run the car's former owner over, but doing so caused the car to flip over onto its side, rolling off into the distance like a pinball.

"Goddammit, fuck your shitty ass car!" Waddle Dee complained, as he jumped out the window.

Isaac and Geno got up, approaching him from either side, taking their battle stances. Geno began firing his gun arm at Waddle Dee, but the flimsy pellets it fired had no effect, and bounced off his face harmlessly. Isaac ran up to punch his opponent in the face, but years of Soylent consumption had weakened his muscles considerably, and his fist split open into a sissy, limp wristed slap. Waddle Dee retaliated by punching Isaac in the balls, but luckily for the Venus Adept, his micropenis was way too small to hit, and so he remained standing after the hit.

"Now's our chance!" Geno exclaimed. "Let's hit him with our strongest attacks at the same time!"

"Yeah, Grand Gaia!"

"Geno Beam!"

Waddle Dee was caught between the two blasts, but even after that, it seemed like he was fine.

"Sorry, cucks, but it's going to take a lot more than your Grand Gayer and Geno Blowjob to defeat me! My relevance created a barrier around my body, which protects it from things no one's ever heard of! Now I'm going to beat the shit out of you two cumguzzlers!"

Waddle Dee then gave Isaac and Geno atomic wedgies, and pushed them over onto the ground. While they were blinded by their own underwear, he flipped the Robin Reliant back upright again, and drove through a nearby puddle, soaking the two of them in muddy puddle water, and shouting "NEEEEEEERRDDDSS!" as he drove off. The two of them just lay there in defeat for several minutes, unable to say a word. Geno finally broke the silence.

"I hope our fans don't see us like this."

"It's ok, I don't think many of them ever leave their parents' houses anyway. Let's try and find Waddle Dee, so I can get my car back."

"What's the point? He'll just kick our asses again..."

"No he won't. While we were fighting him, he made a key mistake. He told us the source of his strength, so I know how we can beat him."

A few hours later, Isaac and Geno had everything they needed to take down Waddle Dee. They began looking for him, which wasn't hard, as they just followed the sound of people laughing at his ridiculous car. This led them towards a highway, where a huge traffic jam had built up. After speaking to a few of the drivers, they learned that everyone had been stuck behind a Robin Reliant which was driving 10 MPH.

"The guy driving it kind of looked like you, actually", one of the drivers told Isaac. "He was also throwing copies of this shitty looking GBA game out the window of his car, and telling everyone about how cuckolding is great, while we were stuck behind him."

"That's strange", Isaac replied. "If I looked like Waddle Dee, people might actually buy my games by mistake, thinking they were Kirby games."

After walking for a little bit, they found Waddle Dee standing by the Robin, which had gotten upturned trying to turn a corner. He was wearing a paper mask of Isaac's face, and was pretending he was too weak to flip the car.

"Oh no, I'm too much of an irrelevant faggot to flip this car!" he complained, grinning at the crowd of angry drivers from behind his mask. "I, Isaac Betabitch will have to wait here until my wife's boyfriend comes to help me! While I wait, maybe you can write some reviews about my awesome game series, Golden Sun on Amazon!"

"My surname's not 'Betabitch', you fucking asshole!" Isaac shouted, at Waddle Dee. "It's 'Beterbych', for your information!"

"Well, looks like the jig is up!" Waddle Dee laughed, as he took the mask off. "Better get rid of this thing before we fight, since it might make me irrelevant enough for your attacks to actually hurt me!"

"Oh, we won't have to worry about that!" Isaac smirked. "Geno, now!"

Suddenly, Geno emerged from behind Waddle Dee, and tied something around their enemy's head. It was his old bandana!

"NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Waddle Dee cried out, as he felt the relevance leaving his body.

"That's right. You took that bandana off, so you could pretend to be a game character people actually cared about, but you were nothing but an irrelevant faggot all along! Now it's time for me to kick your ass, and get my car back! Grand Gaia!"

Isaac fired his strongest spell at Bandana Dee, and this time it had the intended effect, completely eradicating all traces of his body. He then walked over to the car, and flipped it back up. As they drove away, Geno discovered something disturbing.

"Isaac, look at this. Until now, your games had 5* ratings on Amazon, since they had only been reviewed by the five people in the world who had actually heard of them, but now they have hundreds of 1* reviews, because of Waddle Dee's trick."

They pulled over, and Isaac began reading the latest reviews.

The first one read: I used to think Isaac or whatever that faggot is called was one of those cool Fire Emblem characters, when I saw his Assist Trophy, but now I know better. He's a cuck from this shitty ass game, and because of his horrible driving, I was late getting back to fuck this other cuck, Waluigi's wife, and now he's already home, so I can't.

Fuck you Isaac, signed Donald Trump.

The second one read: Bought this game, so I could use its box and manual as toilet paper. It was cheaper than buying actual toilet paper, and wiping my ass on a drawing of Isaac's face was ten out of ten. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of putting the game cart in my GBA, and the GBA committed suicide after a few seconds of running it, so fuck this game, 1*.

The bad reviews went on and on like this for pages.


	6. Chapter 6

The moon shone down from above on Isaac and Geno, as they rode off down a long, seemingly neverending highway, the ironically not so reliable Robin Reliant rocking erratically from side to side without exception, as it drove over the uneven, weathered surface of the country road. Though they had won the battle, and reclaimed the stolen car, it felt like a hollow victory, their triumph soured, as the words of the one-star Amazon reviews echoed through their heads.

"Golden Sun, more like Gayden Suck!" jeered the disembodied voice, of one of the many anonymous internet reviewers. "Zero out of a million!"

"As a medical professional, I believe it is in my authority to officially diagnose this game as a new strain of cancer! Probably a kind of brain cancer, since liking it is definitely some kind of new mental illness."

"If Golden Sun was a chick, she'd be the unfuckable, 700lbs, tattoo and piercing covered single mom, with three kids, from three different fathers, and a heroin addiciton. Fuck this trainwreck of a game, and fuck you, Isaac!"

The aging Venus Adept sighed, unable to get the words of his detractors out of his head, no matter how far they drove.

"We need to do something to restore our reputation", he decided, at last. "And I think I know just what!"

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Geno asked.

"I think the only reason the Golden Sun series was a commercial failure is because it was released on unsuccessful systems, like the GBA and the DS. The same thing happened to all the games that came out on the Wii U, and Nintendo managed to save those, by re-releasing them on the Switch."

"Yeah, that has to be it! If Golden Sun came out on a successful console, like Splatoon did, I'm sure it would have been a big hit too! We need to get Golden Sun: Remastered Edition to come out on the Switch, and bring back all your fans!"

"Nah, that won't cut it. We need a gimmick, a selling point that will really justify paying that whole $60 for a port of the same game. Hyrule Warriors added like two new characters. Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze added only one. So I think for the Golden Sun re-release, I'm going to add -3 new characters to the game! That's right, Golden Sun, Now With New Isaac Only Mode!"

"Oh my god, that's the best idea ever! It'd be like a completely new game! Let's go drive to Nintendo HQ right now, and pitch the idea to Miyamoto!"

The two of them then drove to China, and arrived at Nintendo HQ. As they approached the entrance, they were confronted by two guards.

"Names?" the first of the guards asked.

"I am Isaac Beterbych, main protagonist of the Golden Sun series!"

"And I'm Geno I. Relevant, main protagonist of Super Mario RPG!"

"Never heard of either of you, fuck off."

"But we're video game icons!"

"No, you're faggots."

"But you have to let us in, so we can pitch our new game idea to Miyamoto."

"New game? Hahahahaha! We don't make new games here anymore! What's the fucking point, when we can just re-release games people have already played, or release literal cardboard, charge $60 for it, and the stupid fucking mongoloids we call our fans will buy it anyway?"

"Oh, don't worry, that's what our game is too, the first one, I mean."

"Hmm..." the guard mused. "Is your game an NES game? Re-releasing a game that was made in the last 10 years kind of sounds like a bit too much effort. After all, we can sell NES games for $20 a year, and they still buy them."

"Yes it is", Isaac lied. The guard believed his lie, since like most people, he had never heard of Golden Sun.

"Fine, you can pass. Just don't cause any trouble, or we'll kick you out."

"Thanks, we don't."

Isaac and Geno then entered the Nintendo HQ. It was a big building, and they had no idea where to find Miyamoto, so they decided to look at the map. They were currently on 1F, which was labelled as the "Department of Fanboy Mockery". It was a floor where Nintendo staff members came to take their breaks, and unwind over lunch, while laughing at pathetic forum users who would willingly defend and shill their products, completely unpaid. The next floor was 2F, the Department of Rehashing. Since the elevators were employee only, Isaac and Geno would have to pass through this floor, before they could make it to 5F, the Nintendo Executive Money Bathhouse, which is where they expected to find Miyamoto.

They arrived in the Department of Rehashing, and found several offices, which were staffed by two year olds, armed with crayons. Wii U games would come past the two year olds on a conveyor belt, and they would take out their crayons, and scribble little things on the box, like "New Funky Mode". They would then pass further down the conveyor belt to be approved by a quality assurance tester, who was currently asleep at his post, stamping approval stamps onto everything that came by, while in his sleep. After that, they would be released as brand new games, and sell millions of copies, a few weeks later.

"This is a really lucrative business model", Isaac nodded. "I can't wait for us to get in on this."

"Yeah, I know! Geno laughed.

However, little did they know that another of their old adversaries was waiting for them on 3F, the Department of Literal Cardboard, so he could put a wrench in their works.


	7. Chapter 7

As Isaac flung open the door which lead to the Department of Literal Cardboard, he was immediately greeted by a jeering voice he was all too familiar with.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't little Ballsaac and Genobody! How's the Cuck Patrol been doing? You suck any good BBCs lately?"

A wide grin spread across the face of the whiskered bully, as he approached the duo with his chest puffed out and his fists clenched.

"Incineroar", Isaac greeted, as he locked eyes with his foe. "What are you doing here?"

"Joker told me about how Waddle Dildo got his ass beat by you two clowns, and how you were driving off towards China. He sent me here to shove you two faggots right back in the cuck shed where you belong, just in case you tried something like this. And what a glorious arena I've picked out to be the place your adventure finally comes to its end!"

Incineroar backed up with his arms outstretched, smiling wildly as he turned his head, taking in all the cardboard cuckoldry which filled the room. The room was devoid of life, since all the workers had left for the day, it only taking about 45 minutes a day to create Labo products of the quality their consumer-base was used to, so Incineroar and our two challengers were left all alone, with these wonderfully lazily made products. There were cardboard boxes with windows drawn on with crayons to look like houses, marketed as affordable housing, as an alternative to living in your parents' basement. Cardboard fleshlights, with print-outs of the faces of various Nintendo characters, like Baby Peach and the Inklings stuck on the side. Apparently there had been earlier models featuring adult characters too, but there were many complaints about them being too big, and therefore incompatible with the consumers' micropenises. Additionally, there were cardboard helmets, for very special boys to wear on the rare occasions they have to go out in public. These helmets were novel, and had features like drool trays, which rested below the chin. However, what caught Isaac's eye was something far more simplistic, a cardboard sword.

"I bet Incineroar has a relevancy barrier, like Waddle Dickhead", he told Geno. "But unlike our games, people actually buy these cardboard products." He smirked at Incineroar, knowing he had a way to win the fight already. "We should be able to beat him with these, Geno."

"Ok, first thing's first, you little fruitcake!" Incineroar chuckled. "That ain't a sword. That's a fucking dildo, the Barret model specifically. That's right, that's the same pole that's been between Jenna's lips, only the cardboard edition!"

"Oh god, you're right!" Isaac realised, as he flashed back to very traumatic memories.

"And second of all, you fucking brainless bitch boy, we're not in your gay ass Golden Turd game. If you run up on me with a fucking cardboard dildo and smack me over the head with it, you ain't gonna see numbers pop outta my head, like it did shit. It's fucking cardboard, just like your brain. It can't hurt anyone."

"We'll see about that!" Isaac told him defiantly, charging directly at Incineroar, and swinging the dildo at his head.

Incineroar didn't even allow the attack to connect, and struck Isaac in the stomach with a powerful kick, which sent him flying back into a cardboard fridge. As he collided with the door, it was knocked open, and cardboard tendies rained down onto his face. At this point, Geno joined the fight, throwing a cardboard bowling ball at Incineroar, which he once again blocked, this time palming it like a volleyball, and sending it flying back at Geno, striking him in the face. Now it was Incineroar's turn to go on the offensive. He grabbed the dazed Geno and Isaac by the legs, and dragged them across the room towards a pair of cardboard lockers, which he stuffed them inside. Fortunately for Isaac, his neckbeard was too big, and the door wouldn't shut, so he was able to force his way out. He frantically reached for something he could use as a weapon, assuming one of the cardboard products would be close at hand, but what he ended up grabbing was one of his bottles of Soylent, which had rolled out of his pocked, when he was being stuffed in the locker.

"Soylent, of course!" he realised. "Every Nintendo fan I know drinks this stuff day and night! In fact, a Smash tournament was even sponsored by it! It should be able to hurt Incineroar just fine."

"N-Nah, get that gay shit away from me!" the tiger protested, as he raised his hands in protest.

Isaac was about to open the bottle, and drench his foe, when a horrible realisation set in. He didn't have his Soylent bottle opener, and his wife wasn't here to open the bottle for him either. There was only one way he could reach the liquid, and that was by opening it with his own hands. His mind flashed back to that time earlier, in his living room, where he had cut his hands open trying to get into a bottle of Soylent, and Geno had to help by using the Soylent bottle opener he always carried. Isaac should have come better prepared, but he hadn't, and now he was backed into a corner. Gripping the lid, he groaned in pain, twisting with all his might. He wasn't the same man he was back then. He and Geno had been through so much shit, and it had toughened him up. Or so he hoped. His skin began to tear, as it combed over the indents along the side of the lid, but Isaac didn't let it deter him. He gripped harder, and continued to twist, and then it happened! He felt the lid begin to move. At that point, he knew he was home free. The lid came off, without much resistance after that, and he was ready to fire. Flinging the bottle at Incineroar fiercely, soy rained out, dousing the wrestler's flames.

"NO, THIS CANNOT BE!" Incineroar cried out.

His body was a haven of testosterone, and now he had been showered in what might as well have been pure estrogen. It burned, and it wasn't just painful, it sapped his energy too. But it also made him angry. He was a respected member of the Relevant Video Game Characters, and he wasn't going to let a Z-Lister like Isaac defeat him. Grabbing the Venus Adept by the throat he slammed him back up against the locker.

"Now you've fucking done it, kiddo. You exposed my glorious body to the gayest substance known to man, and now I'm livid. I'm going to snap your fucking NEEEEECCCCKKKKK!"

"You can try..." Isaac gasped, refusing to give up. "I have spend years, hell, decades growing this neckbeard. You've chosen to attack the most well-guarded point on my entire body. Do your worst."

"Hahaha, there's one thing you didn't think about, you dumb motherfucker. That neckbeard of yours is full of grease. And I'm a Fire type. Yeah, that's right. Things about to get hot for you."

Isaac flinched, as he knew Incineroar was right. With Geno trapped in the locker, and Isaac himself at Incineroar's mercy, it really was all over for them. He silently accepted his fate, his own neckbeard turned against him.

All of a sudden, a fourth voice called out. "digimon begone!"

With a load thwack to the back of the head, Incineroar was knocked down onto his knees. Standing over him was a young man with white hair, and a mall cop uniform, wielding a police baton.

"Brendan?!" Isaac gasped.

"yeah lol" the mall cop replied. "i came hear 2 kill this fuckin fake pokemon but its a real honor 2 meet u."

"I'm glad to see you", Isaac nodded. "...But why is your narration all fucked up?"

"magic" brendan explamed.

"Oh, ok."

"omg i cant believe its u isaac. ur games r so awesome. i remember wen i was lyk 5 and i got stuck in pokemon yellow. tht fuckin fag brock beat me with his broken onix like 10 times so id put ur game on 2 unwind and i never died in that even 1 tym."

Their conversation was interrupted, as Incineroar got back up, grabbing Isaac by his jacket, before slamming him into the locker again. "This fight is far from over, you little faggot!"

"wrong" sayed brendan. "go charizard use hyper beam"

he throwed out his pokeball and charizard wented out and distroyed the fake pokemon in 1 hit.

Now that the fight was over for real, Isaac let out a sigh of relief, and freed Geno from inside the other locker.

"We can't thank you enough for saving us, Brendan. What will you do now?"

"idk i think i shuld get back 2 my own story now lol. me and my bro red still hav 2 stop jewnichi."

"Well, bye then, I hope your story one day sees a satisfying conclusion too."


	8. Chapter 8

Against all odds, Isaac and Geno had survived their encounter with Incineroar, and began making their way towards the stairs with led to 4F, the Department of Online Servers. This was where all the servers for Nintendo's online service were located. A single hamster-powered computer, running Windows 98 was connected to the wall via a Dial-Up cable. The rest of the space was just filled with piles of money, which had a sign next to them that read 'Online Subscription Fee Earnings'.

"It's nice to see they used some of that money to upgrade the service they provide their customers", Isaac nodded, as he walked past.

"Yeah, the hamster runs it way faster than the goldfish ever did", Geno agreed.

They reached the final floor without any trouble, 5F, the Nintendo Executive Money Bathhouse. Pushing open a solid gold door, they found themselves faced with a gigantic communal bath, which was filled with not water, but thousands upon thousands of notes, from all the different kinds of currencies from countries where Nintendo products were sold.

"Ah, you must be the visitors here to see Mr. Miyamoto, yes?" asked an attendant, as they entered the room. Step on in, he is expecting you."

Not quite sure what to do, Isaac and Geno lowered themselves into the pool of money, not seeing any other way they could reach Miyamoto who was bathing on the other end of the office, much too far away to hold a conversation with.

"How many times more money do you think is in this pool, than the combined total of our series sales?" Geno asked.

"I don't think they have numbers big enough for that", Isaac replied. "This place is really amazing, though. You'd think with all this money, Nintendo would at least invest some of it back into the budgets for their games."

"Haha, silly gaijin", laughed one of the Chinese businessmen, who was bathing closer to the door. "Western Nintendo audience brain as small as Nintendo executive penis. They buy any crap we put out. Hell they defend it on forums for free. Putting money into budget is like... how do gaijin say... casting pearls before swine."

"How are we gaijins when we're from Chinese games too?" Isaac wondered.

"I think the writer just wanted an excuse to add a bunch of bad stereotypes to this scene", Geno speculated. "Don't think about it too hard."

"Yeah, makes sense. That's the best way to play my games anyway, so I'm used to it."

They made their way over to Miyamoto, who was bathing by the window, basking in the sunlight as scantily clad women gently poured buckets of money down onto him.

"I'll cut to the chase", Miyamoto began. "My attendant tells me that you two have thought of a plan to make a really low effort game we can make a lot of money off of. Normally, I wouldn't speak to video game characters from series that can't even outsell Etrian Odyssey, but as you can see, my bathhouse is always in need of more cash, so I am all ears. Tell me your money-making scheme or I will cancel this meeting faster than I cancelled your series!"

"Ok, Mr. Miyamoto, so here's the pitch. I've seen your products like Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze, which trick fans into buying the same product a second time for full retail price, with some minor new feature included, and promoted heavily on the boxart, but I think I can do you one better."

"You've got my interest, go on."

"I'm proposing a remake of the original Golden Sun, just now with a "New Isaac Mode"! The new mode is just the original game, but without the other party members, just me. See, now you're not only making your fans buy the same game a second time, in order to get some minor new content, you're actually taking content out, and making it seem like a new feature!"

"Hmm, interesting idea. But your Golden Sun series is, how you say... fucking dogshit. I like the idea, though. Hmm, yes, now I see it. Pokemon Sword & Shield: Now with new Galar Dex! And the Galar Dex is just the same shitty DeviantArt rejects we were going to add anyway, except now it doesn't even have all the old Pokemon in it! Game Freak can slash their budget in half again, brilliant!

Umm, anyway, you can leave now, Mr. Ian."

"Err, it's Isaac."

"Yeah, whatever. Get out. Business is over here."

"But you didn't approve our idea."

"I know. Now get out of my bathhouse, before I have the solid gold shark bite off your dick."

"You don't have a... oh god!"

A shark made of pure gold burst out from beneath the money, fangs bared at the two irrelevant video game characters. They paddled for their lives, fleeing the bathhouse as quickly as they could.


	9. Chapter 9

The journey back from China was a long and depressing trip. It felt almost as long and depressing as playing through a Golden Sun game. Isaac and Geno said very little to one another throughout the trip, their spirits crushed by Miyamoto's rejection. That was until they stopped at a gas station out on the highway. After fueling up, Isaac went into the store to buy some snacks, and saw a bargain bin filled with games and movies.

"Wow, it sure feels good to see one of these, which isn't filled with Golden Sun games, for once", he thought to himself, as he browsed the selection of newer games. The one to catch his attention was a game he had remembered hearing about a few years back, Mighty Number 9. He lifted it out of the bin, and began reading the box. The front cover was adorned with reviews.

"This game will go down in history as a legend. Grifters and conmen will look to this game as a shining example of how to get away with embezzlement and manipulation, for decades to come. The actual game sucks AIDS infested donkey dicks though."

"Mighty Number 9... out of a million! Don't buy this fucking piece of shit!"

"Any store owners who try to sell this thing will be crying harder than an anime fan on prom night!"

Isaac then looked to the back of the box, and was amazed by the visuals. Character models that looked like a 14 year old's MMO character, pizza shaped explosions, Unity Store assets galore!

"That's it!" Isaac gasped. "If a game like this can get published, then surely I can get a game crowdfunded too! It'll be the spiritual successor to Golden Sun, and Nintendo won't be able to do anything to stop me!"

He left the store with a much more positive attitude, and began work on the game, as soon as he got back home. Since Jenna had kicked him out of his own home, and taken everything in the divorce, he had to move into Geno's parents' basement, which would become the head office of Kusoge Productions International, their new games development company.

"What should we write on our Kuckstarter page?" Geno asked, they began writing their sales pitch.

"Let's see, first we need a name for our game, I guess."

"What about something to do with stars? You know, since the original is Golden Sun, and the sun is a star. Let's see... People like shooting stars... but people like meteor showers even more... Oh, what about Golden Showers?!"

"Yeah, that's perfect, I'll put it in here... How's this sound?"

"Tired of all the boring, samey JRPGs, like Final Fantasy and Persona, with their modern visuals, innovative gameplay and engaging plots? Want to go back to a simpler time, when JRPGs were all about mashing the A button, whether it was the standard attack during battle, or to make the dialogue go by as quickly as possible out of battle? Well pledge to our brand new game, Golden Showers, and return to the golden age of JRPG gameplay with the spiritual successor to the Golden Sun series. Using the powerful Unity engine, we will create an artstyle which is authentic to the original Golden Sun's rough, unrefined, bare minimum visuals! If you pledge a lot of money to our game, you will be rewarded in kind with our Kuckstarter reward tiers:

If you donate 10 Good Boy Points or more, you will get: A personal thank you email from the bot we use for our spam marketing.

If you donate 25 Good Boy Points or more, you will get: Your name added to an optional credits roll in the options menu, that literally no one besides people on this pledge tier will ever look at, where it will be lost in a sea of thousands of other names.

If you donate 100 Good Boy Points or more, you will get: A free Golden Showers toy, made by the same company who makes the McDonald's toys, along with everything from the 10 and 25 GBP tiers.

If you donate 1000 Good Boy Points or more, you will get: To work on our game as an unpaid intern. You will be responsible for making tendie runs, and also working overtime on our code, after our programmers flee the country, or get arrested after their pyramid schemes are exposed."

"Wow, that looks great", Geno smiled. "Post it, I bet it will get a ton of money immediately."

Six weeks passed, and only three people donated to the Kuckstarter. They all donated 1GBP each, just so they could leave hate comments in the comment section, before immediately charging back the money.


	10. Chapter 10

"We need to do something", Geno said, at last. "People don't have faith in our game. We need to do something to convince them that Golden Showers is going to be every bit as legendary as the original Golden Sun."

"I've got an idea", Isaac nodded. "We will hire some more staff members to work on the game with us. Our potential backers just need proof that this game is actually getting made. They're so used to the Golden Sun series not making games, they've forgotten what it looks like to get a win. We need to show them. And I know just the site for us to hire the most talented professionals in the industry."

With a confident smile, Isaac opened Craigslist.

"Hey, what the fuck, why doesn't this site take Good Boy Points?" he complained.

"It's ok, I know another site which does", Geno assured him, logging onto the competitor site, 'Crookslist'.

"I think we should start with a programmer. Oh, hey, this guy looks good!"

The screen read:

Username: Prinse0fN1ger1a420

Price range: no mony need just leve sosil secirity numba

Bio: hey whit ppl im very improtant prinse from country of nigeria. nigerian are best programer in the world u can trust me bro. just dm me ur sosil security numba and i will do very good code 4 u trust me bro

"Wow, I couldn't even understand anything he wrote, so he must have wrote it in code!" Geno exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's how good he is, he only wants other talented programmers to hire him! We should send him all the tendie money your mom gave you this week, and maybe he'll think we're rich enough to hire him."

"Good idea... oh wait, if we do that, we won't have enough GBP left to hire graphic designers."

"Don't worry, I know a guy on DeviantArt who is a big fan of my series. He will want to work for free, I'm sure."

Isaac logged onto his DeviantArt account, and scrolled down the page of "InflationVoreScatMaster69", passing hundreds of pictures filled with disgusting fetish art, until eventually he found the "send message" button.

"Hey bro, Isaac here, how would you like to work on my new game 'Golden Showers' as a lead graphic designer? You will be paid 5 tendies an hour, with a body pillow of your choosing as a bonus, at the end of each month. You in?"

Two minutes, later, a reply came in. Defying all logic, Isaac could actually smell the repulsive scent of BO and rotting fast food, leaking through the screen. The message simply read:

"Man I love golden showers, count me in!"

"There we go!" Isaac cheered. "Now we can hire that master programmer on Crookslist."

Unfortunately, when they got back on the site, they found his account had been terminated, for violating the terms of use. Isaac threw his bottle of Soylent to the ground in frustration, but just then, they heard a knock at the door upstairs. The pair of manbabies set out on an arduous journey to climb the stairs leading out of the basement, so they could answer the door.

"Hey, is this the head office of Kusoge Productions Limited?" asked a voice from outside.

"Why yes it is!" Isaac replied gleefully. "Would you like to donate to our Kuckstarter, or perhaps apply for an unpaid intern position?"

"No, you fucking fags, I just came here to tell you two losers that I'm playable in Smash now, and you two cucks still aren't!"

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Sans from Undertale."

"...You've got to be fucking shitting me..."

Isaac took out his Fisher Price phone, and logged onto YouTube to see the horrible news. Sans was indeed playable in Smash, albeit only as a Mii Fighter, but with an actual convincing outfit, unlike the ones that were added of him and Geno (to be used as playable Sandbags). Completely defeated, he went down into the basement to sulk.

"We can't give up now, Isaac, our game is going really well. Look, two more people pledged $1. Sure, both of them just did it to tell us that Sans was in Smash, and that we were fags, but that's $2 closer to becoming relevant again."

"We have to do something more than this. A publicity stunt, to prove that we've still got what it takes to be JRPG heroes! Let's go and defeat all the bullshit bully trolls from the Successful Video Game Characters, who ruined our lives!"

"Yeah!"

Just then, the Morgana Bus from Persona 5 crashed through their house, causing the entire thing to cave in. Geno and Isaac only survived, because they were in the basement.

"Hey, are you sure this is the place, Sans?" Joker laughed, as he looked out the window at the pile of rubble.

"Yeah, I just spoke to that loser, Isaac a minute ago. And look, there's his shitty car parked over there!"

The bullies noticed a Robin Reliant nearby, which had tipped over, from being parked on the curb. They were about to go over to set it on fire, when a hand rose out from the rubble, grabbing Joker's leg.

"Wow, there's something really gay on my leg", the phantom thief jeered.

"Hahaha, let's set that on fire instead!" Sans laughed, taking out a bottle of flammable ketchup, which he squirted onto Isaac's hand. Joker then used Agi to set his arm on fire. They walked off, as Isaac cried in pain.

Geno then blasted through the rubble to get them out. They got in the Robin after that, and began chasing down the Morgana Bus. An epic car chase was about to begin.


	11. Chapter 11

Filled with a fiery determination, Isaac's eyes pierced through the dirty smears and bird shit which covered the windscreen of his Robin Reliant, focused on the target dead ahead, Joker's Morgana bus. He slammed his foot down against the peddle, though taking such a sudden, energetic action left him gasping for breath.

"Damn, this is even more exhausting than playing Wii Bowling!" he told Geno, over heavy breathing. "But look, we're gaining on them!"

It was true, the occupants of the Morgana Bus had yet to notice the Robin chugging along behind them, as something else currently had their attention. Raucous laughter filled the bus, as all heads were turned to the glowing screen of Sans' phone. It had turned out that while Barret was fucking Jenna, he had gained access to Isaac's nudes via her phone, and had leaked them on IncelMicropenises . com. The comments section for this gallery was filled with scathing reactions.

"Haha, I wonder what's smaller, this faggot's cock in millimeters, or the number of copies Golden Sun sold?"

"The Virgin Gaia Blade, the Chad Buster Sword"

"He only has 5 pubes... and he pisses out of one of them..."

The laughter of the Successful Video Game characters was briefly interrupted by a remark from Sans. "Hey, can you smell something drifting towards us? Kinda smells like tendies and BO."

"Yeah, I think I ca...", began Cloud. "Wait, how can you smell anything, you don't have a nose."

"Oh yeah", Sans realised, as he poked his finger through the empty socket below his eyes. "Guess it must be nothing."

Completely undetected, Isaac was now only a few feet behind the Morgana bus, and was preparing to make his move against his mortal enemies.

"Geno, shoot their tires out!" he told his friend, which the wooden puppet promptly obliged.

Leaning out of the window, Geno pointed his plastic Power Ranger arm cannon at the tire of the bus, emitting a burst of cheap special effects. The cancer emitting UV rays burned through the rubber, and caused the bus to go swerving out of control. Realising what was happening now, Joker poked his head out of the window, brandishing something which sent chills down the spines of Isaac, Geno, and all of their sheltered fanboys, a real handgun.

"Geno, watch out, he's got an actual gun!" Isaac cried, but before his friend could hear the warning, it was too late.

A shot had been fired, piercing the rotten balsa wood that was Geno's skull. Isaac froze in horror, not even thinking to slam on the brakes, as his car spiraled out of control. He didn't even register it, as the Successful Video Game Characters lobbed a used condom out the back window of the bus, hitting him in the back of the head. All that he could focus on was the fact that his only friend was now lying lifeless in front of him, with a hole through his forehead.

"Isaac..." Geno groaned weakly. "I-I'm not going... to make it... Y-You... You're gonna have to... have to do what needs to be done... What all g-gamers need to do... You need to... rise... up..."

With a final cough, Geno spat out a bloody mouthful of splinters, tendies and gamer girl bathwater. Although since he was made of wood, it was probably just a new strawberry flavour of Soylent, and not actual blood.

"Don't worry, Geno..." Isaac solemnly said, as he wiped away a lone tear, as it ran down his face. "I know what needs to be done. Joker's not the only one who can get access to real guns."

He then walked into Walmart, and picked out an AK47, which he took to the counter.

"Hmm", the clerk at the checkout pondered, as he gazed upon Isaac, decked out in his Nintendo Labo robot suit, which now had 'GAMERS RISE UP!' penned across the chest in black marker. "I'm not so sure you are mentally sound enough to use this thing responsibly. What are you buying it for?"

"I'm going to use it to shoot up a Chinese high sch... err, I mean use it to rise up against the Deep State, and the leftist goblins that control our government from the shadows!"

Luckily for Isaac, the Walmart he was at was in the middle of Bumblefuck, Alabama, and he was promptly deemed mentally sound enough to handle it, without any further questions. After a three week drive to China, Isaac was finally ready to carry out his act of vengeance. He had not washed once throughout the entire road trip, or taken off his Labo gear. His belly was full of tendies and Soylent, and to psych himself up for what he was about to do, he painted violent markings on his face with soy sauce, like it was a sort of war paint. The ground shook as the absolute unit of a neckbeard waddled towards the gate leading into Jackie Chan High, the high school that Joker went to.

"Herro, what you do here?" asked a security guard, as he noticed (AKA smelled) Isaac approaching.

"I AM HERE TO CARRY OUT A DIVINE VENGEANCE ON BEHALF OF ALL GAMERS!" Isaac cried, in a shrill, soy war cry. "I WILL MAKE ALL THE STACEYS AND CHADS PAY! THIS IS FOR YOU GENO! GAMERS RISE UUUUUPPPPP!"

He began flopping around as he hip fired in the direction of the security guard, but luckily for the inept neckbeard, the AK47 was designed so that even a blind spastic could operate it, and his target was quickly dispatched. The Chinese students cried out in horror, as the acne-ridden has-been sprayed bullets in all directions. Hearing their cries, the student, Ching Chong slipped out into a noodle storage closet, and donned his mask, becoming the phantom thief, Joker!

"It's Joker, he's going to save us!" the other students cheered, as the beloved JRPG hero ran out to confront the irrelevant JRPG laughingstock.

"Not this time, Joker!" Isaac cried defiantly. "We've lived in a society for too long!"

Joker didn't answer him, and just drew his pistol with a cool smirk. The two gunmen stared each other down, as the final showdown was about to begin. Their weapons really said everything there was to say about them. Isaac, raised on years of Golden Sun, a game which can be won through doing nothing but repeatedly mashing the A button stood ready to open fire with an AK47, about to unleash a barrage of impotent, directionless hip fire, instilled with the belief that all he needs to do to win is hold down the trigger for long enough. Joker, on the other hand had been raised on real RPGs, games which rewarded clever thinking and well planned out moves. His weapon was far weaker than Isaac's, because it was all he needed. A single well-aimed bullet that could completely disarm his target. They opened fire, and although Isaac was able to unleash a few shots, none of them struck their target, and he quickly dropped his weapon, squealing in pain, as his shoulder was pierced, and he collapsed to the ground.

"Remember kids, real men play real games!" Joker said to the camera. "Don't be a Golden Soyboy, play Persona 5, only on PlayStation!"

"I'll get you next time!" Isaac cried, as he was dragged offscreen by a police officer. "


End file.
